Adoptive Mom, non-tribal “We are so scared…”
May 1, 2006
Hello, I am a prospective adoptive mom…our story began on Nov 30th when we were matched with a young woman having twins. My husband and I accepted the match which stated BMom to be Caucasian and BDad to be Caucasian. When I met the BMom she told me about the birth father describing him with brown hair and green eyes. At the time she stated she did not want him involved as he had left her. In January our BMom reported that our BDad was back and was going to participate in the adoption. When I finally met our BDad he was not as our BMom had described…he was in fact a 6’2″, black haired, brown eyed man. At the time I did not question what was going on. Everything was going along smoothly when our BMom went into labor at 33 weeks. Our twins were delivered via c-section in the early afternoon on …. We were all excited and nervous as the babies were placed in NICU. Our adoption plan was still on and everything was ok. [A day later], the Department of Human Services came in and spoke with my husband and me stating that our little girl had tested positive for marijuana so protective services had been called and BMom’s two older children were going to be placed in custody.
The worker assured us that the babies would not be placed due to our adoption plan. Our BMom admitted to smoking marijuana during her pregnancy. Our little boy did not test positive. Through the coarse of dealing with DHS and then dealing with a distraught BMom, it was reported that our BDad was Native American, …. Nation. Things went back and forth as one time he said he was not enrolled then he said he was. At this time there was a lot of confusion. He is in fact enrolled in the …Nation. Our birthfather was having concerns about the adoption plan and the legal jargon. My husband and I visited with our BParents and discussed our plan that we still wanted an open adoption. Our Bfather attempted to contact …Nation to discuss his plan for the babies, although he was not able to actually connect with anyone.
Then DHS stepped in and removed my husband and me from the visitation list…we were visiting the babies 3 to 4 times a day to feed and snuggle. We were told that ICW was going to be involved and they were taking the babies. We have been on a roller coaster ride since that time. The twins were removed from the hospital and placed in a home without our BMom’s knowledge. I have spoken with the ICW worker and she was sympathetic although not really wanting to consider placement with us as my husband and I are Caucasian. Our babies will be 1 month old this Friday. We have had no contact for 2 weeks. At this time there is question as to who the father is…remember BMom listed a brown haired, green eyed, Caucasian man as the father initially. We are hopeful to have the DHS Judge order paternity testing to see who the father is…court is on Monday, May 8th. I don’t know what to do in this case. It appears that our DHS worker does not like the agency we are currently using for our adoption. We would just like to be heard. I am well aware of the Indian Child Welfare Act. I work with troubled children in an inpatient setting and have worked closely with ICW professionally.
We are afraid that we will be overlooked in this case as placement because of our Nationality…our Bfather is half …. making the twins quarter. Bfather is also Irish as am I so their Irish heritage is greater in number. My husband and I are heart broken. Any advise anyone can give us on how we can be heard in this unusual case would be appreciated. Our BMom has not been honest in her adoption plan which has lead to this situation, however she wants the babies placed with us…as does the Bfather. Now we still have the question of the original Bfather…he is willing to sign his rights away as well and place with us. Also our BMom is legally married and in the state of … the husband is listed as the father…although the tribe has not taken that into account. Our BMom has admitted that she had relations with both suspected fathers. I am at a loss as to what to do. Who do I talk to and how do we get this straightened out? Are we even able to be considered in this strange case? I thank you if you have made it this far.
My husband and I would appreciate any input in this case that would be helpful. … This adoption plan is the final chapter for my husband and I to be parents. We thought this was God’s plan and we are so scared that we will not be able to parent these children that we love so dearly. We would love to be added to your prayer list if that is possible. Thank you so much for your time.